Oopsie.. I feel jealousy slowly creeping back to me.. Even though I have a feeling that I can never reach the same 'level' as they have, I really hope I wouldn't be left out every single time. Just asking really helps me feel that I am accepted and not forgotten. Maybe I'm just being too sensitive about that 'thing'. But I just can't help it. I really want us to be just more than friends forever. I want to add another word behind friends. I really want to. But, I think it's just wishful thinking on my part. As school starts, they will become even closer. And I, will drift further away from them. Submerged in a sea of envy and jealousy. I'm a bad girl. But what can I do? Pretend that everything is normal on the surface and bottle it up inside me? Just do nothing about it and allow the gap to grow bigger? Or be so desperate about it,tell them and hope that things will turn for the better? With my character, I will never say it out loud for them to listen to me and settle it face to face. Not only will the problems remain unsettled, I think that I will cause a crack to appear on the surface and become awkward whenever we see each other. So the only thing that I'm doing now is to be a coward and just type it out and post it on my blog, hoping that the 'code' will not be broken. I dislike myself for being jealous. You might say, if they do not want me to be in that 'thing', so be it! Right? But I just can't do it! It just makes me think more and more about all the other things. Stuff like not being invited to ... or not feeling part of 'it' despite myself trying hard to win over their more of their trust just so I can 'level up' and become a larger part of 'it'. I'm frustrated. I'm jealous. I'm depressed. 你们越是看到我脸上灿烂的笑容,你们会越关心,越心疼我吗?你们能了解我心里隐藏着的伤害和悲伤吗?现在的我和你们,真的有点象当年的我和她们.但是,我真心的希望我们的结局是和她们完全相反的!我拼了命的努力想要追上你们,你们是否有察觉到呢?我不要背叛我给与你们的承诺,放弃我从认识你们之后就有了的梦想.现在的我真的很希望追寻我的梦想,实现承诺.请你们不要阻止我!好吗? :'(
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