Three words : BMIC LECTURE SUCKS!!!!

Ha ha. Actually, it doesn't suck. It's just freaking boring. Lol. I'm not in the mood for school today. I dillydally-ed and didn't give a damn about being late. But I still managed to reach school on time. Gay. CSAS after lecture. And I had to give an impromptu speech. One word : wow! I didn't realise I was fidgeting and all that crap and I can;t even speak one paragraph without stopping or stuttering. good job, Felicia.
Plus, CSAS lesson was like damn cold can. LT16. Killer LT. I think there's something wrong with the central control of the air-con. Some LT is like hot, and some are freezing cold. The only thing missing was the snow. Retarded but true. Ha ha. Oh ya, One more thing ; Professor Snape talked about wizardry during lesson today. Eeek! :)
Wanted to crash AIDS talk today. Lol. Not that we were so keen on going for the talk, but because w wanted to go home early. I was shocked when I saw Rubayn in the classroom. Gay shit. I know. But we ended up going to Design to eat cause we were taking up the seats that weren't ours. Evil bunch of people. Design's malay food stall is like damn cheap can!!! One curry puff for 30 cents. It's even cheaper than secondary school la!
Went for Badminton after that. I played one versus two. Yup. Me against Joshua and Bear bear. and another game with me against Jun Hong and Joshua. Lol. And guess what? I lost both matches. haha! Stupid! Perspired like shit la. But I exercised. Like wow. -_-"
Went for AIDs talk after some short delay. And I was super lucky can! The person wanted volunteers but none raised their hands. So he manually called out 4 random names and I was one of them. Gay shit la!! Plus I blushed. Pai say, bodoh. I was white blood cell. Jun Hong was infection, Joshua was HIV and some random girl was the antibody. Lame bodoh.
Headed home after that. I downloaded CAKE MANIA! Muahahahah. Fun sia! But it was only a trial for 1 pathetic hour. Shit sia. I was like enjoying the game when the screen suddenly closed. Boo hoo. I shall buy the CD-rom that I saw yesterday. Special offer : $17. ha ha! It shall be my birthday present then. Lol. Cheapo. And here I am, blogging.

P.S : Kang Long is on long term medical leave. I'm gald he was wise enough to go for plastic surgery after living for 20+ years.
P.S.S : FELICIA IS EVIL!!!! MUAHAHAHA!

OMG!!!! I think this is the longest number of days that I never update my blog!!! Wrong sentence structure. Lol.
Ok. Recent updates:

Miss Ho's (Mrs Tan) wedding on the 24th PLUS A BIRTHDAY SURPRISE FOR ME!!! WOO!! Love you guys man! Thanks thanks thanks thanks thanks! And thanks for the present! Ha ha. I actually passed a random comment and you guys bought it for me. Lol. I think this is my first birthday surprise. Pathetic. First surprise after living for like 16 years and 364 days. LOL. And, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KARI! Went to Hip Diner by Billy Bombers at cineleisure after the wedding. Billy Bomber's food is like a hundred times better can. Even the root beer float tastes nicer at Billy Bombers. Biased opinion. Lol. Sat an ultra long bus ride home with Mei Jun, Gilson, Jin Yuan and Wesmond. Met this evil China woman. Guess what she did? She actually sprayed perfume on her wrist and held it up to her nose when two Indian man sat beside her. Racist, bodoh!

My 17th birthday on the 25th! Woo hoo! I love 25th November!! :D But I was kind of disappointed by the lack of birthday wishes and the unexpected messages I got from people that I thought would not sms me. Lol. Gay shit. I know. But I love love love love love receiving messages!!! Anyway, dinner today rocks big time k! Buffet for like two consecutive weeks. Fantastic! :)

Belated birthday wishes on the 26th. Hahahahahaha. At least this proves that people remember my birthday. Or at least they other wishing me after they heard it from others. I am officially 17 years and 1 day old. :D :D :D Like so old can. To think people like Jovin can say that they are 16 years old. But not for long! Ha ha. You will turn 17 on 1st December! :D Mental breakdown just like during A. maths lesson in BNSS. MSt 2 sucks to the max ma max can?!?!?!?!? Mei Jun failed to keep the surprise from me in a bid to cheer me up and got a scolding from Jia Lin instead. LOL! Today is like super lame can! I signed a CONTRACT with Mandy to promise tha I will not look into the surprise they've got for me. Cause she was supposed to pass it o them but couldn't make it. So my duty was to pass the surprise to mei jun and jia lin after school. And then let them pass it to me PERSONALLY. Like so stupid right? ha ha. But I ADORE THE NOTEBOOK CAN!!!!! Ha ha. Damn funny plus super duper U-G-L-Y pictures of moi. Gay shit. Went to Subway for dinner before heading home.

Today.28th Nov. I realised that Mr. Wong is not as GL as they made him to be. Cause he taught me Topic 3!! Ha ha. I sound super materialistic. But it's the truth! :) :) THANK YOU MR. WONG!!! Super stressed up during MSt2. Everyone seems to be getting along fine except for me. Gay shit plus gay shit plus gay shit equals super duper gay shit!!!!!! Boo Hoo. I feel like a cry baby. Or is it just that my tear breaks are malfunctioning? Cried again. I bet people must be restraining themselves from giving me a slap across my face. Anyway, Water Tech lecture was cancelled after we waited for like an hour for it to start. RETARDED. I like the preserved mango I bought just now! New love. Muahaha.

Bowling tomorrow. I'm broke.

To Mei Jun :

Yesterday was a super irritating day. All because of that stupid idiotic guy that refuses to pay up. Look. I don't care if you read this post. This is my blog, I have the freedom to type anything and everything I like.
Can't you just bloody pay up? $5.20. Not $520, asshole. Even if you really don't want to do so, then just pay the $2.20. Then the whole bloody problem will be settled and we will have nothing more to do with you. I bet you are tired of us asking money. Let me tell you this. We're also sick of asking you for the money. It's your responsibility to pay up. if you didn't want the notes, you could have told us in the first place. Then all these problems wouldn't even arise. You are the one who created the problem and now, you just walk away without cleaning the mess. And and and and and, I have never seen someone with such a thick skin. You actually have the cheek to walk away as if I said nothing. You really are a bloody asshole. You are driving so many people crazy. Let me tell you straight in your face : I AM BLOODY PISSED WITH YOU. The others might be speaking to you nicely nd patiently. But do not test their patience.
And what's with you and your 'communication' and 'team spirit'? Stupid is a mean word. And I shan't scold you that, RETARD. what's with you and your 'kiasu-ness'?!?
OMG!!! You owe 24 people money. I bet you've set a world record man. 24 people hot at your heels asking for their money and all you can say is : "I will talk to Dr. Vijaya and ask her to speak to the class rep." HELLO. THE CLASS REP WAS STANDING BEHIND you, gay ass!
And :"I want to go down and put my bag." Like WTF?!?!?! Where's the link between the money and your stinky bag? If you have enough money to buy a branded water bottle, then I don;t see the problem in paying up the miserable $2.20. it's not that we're so desperate. But we have to account to the 24 people in our class for their money! Can't you bloody understand this extremely simple logic??
You even managed to piss the ever so patient Mandy enough for her to say that she will pay for you the money. I will not let her pay for you. You hear me, retard? You should be ashamed of yourself for not even uttering a single word when she went up to your sickening face and said that she will pay for you. Don't you even feel the slightest bit of embarrassment? Come on la, UNCLE. $2.20 only. Of course, we can pay for you the money IF you have to scrimp and save and skip meals and drinking water from the tap to fill your pathetic stomach. But if we stupidly paid the money for a retard like you, it will be even more difficult in future for you to pay up. But, we are not that stupid to land ourselves in such a stupid situation again. All we have to do is just to exclude you from everything. If you pay up, you get your share. If you don't then too bad for you. You are the one who's losing out. Not us.
Say, for example, Yee Mon gave Mandy the answer sheet for the tutorial. And what we're going to do is to photocopy 24 copies just for the class. Excluding you, of course. And you have to either beg or open your bloody mouth to ask for the answer. Neh ni neh ni poo poo.
Anyway, I hope you didn't traumatise anyone that you chose to sit with in class. :D
Of course there is much more things for me to say about you. But I am evil enough to write such a long post about you. So now, I'm going to write about something a thousand times more pleasant than this. Went to TM to watch The Game Plan with SBRT. It was super funny and a little touching. Ha ha. But the ticket was $9.50 bodoh! Damn ex la. I got a shock. Haha. The show ended very late. So we accompanied Mandy to the bus interchange, boarded the bus with her and alighted at my stop. Thank you Bear, Alex and Jun Hong for sending me home! :D :D

I'm bloody disappointed bodoh!!! I felt like Harry Potter beneath the invisibility cloak. Thnaks alot for making feel that way. Everything is just talk talk talk but is it said just to entertain me? Or was it said for the sake of saying? If that's the case, then I'd rather you not say anything to me.
I have something to say :"I'M SAD :("
I'm disappointed in you.

I am disappointed. I am very disappointed. I am super disappointed. I am extremely disappointed. I am disappointed in myself. Disappointed in how I behave. Disappointed in the things that come across my mind. Disappointed for being so hungry for attention. I am disappointed in people. People around me, people close to me. Disappointed in the way they treat me. Disappointed in the way they regard me.
Am I a different person in school? Am I a different person in front of my friends? Am I a different person at home? Am I fake?
I'm happy when people laugh at my jokes. I am able to make people laugh. I'm happy when people make fun of me. I am able to laugh at myself. I don't mind making a fool of myself. But someone was disgusted by my actions. Why? Am I such a turn off?
I love to lend a listening ear. But if you don't speak, how am I going to be able to listen? I love to go out and have lunch and dinner with friends. I'm really heartened whenever you guys ask me to come along. Out of politeness or from the bottom of your heart, I do not care. Despite the fact that you guys know I will reject your invitation 9 out of the 10 times you ask, at least you bothered. I thank you for that. But whenever you did not ask, a thought will immediately flash across my mind : How would you know if I'm going to reject your offer again? Please ask.
Of course, it's easier said than done. But it's the only way to reduce all those unnecessary misunderstandings that could have been avoided. It's the only way to strengthen a bond. It's the only way to understand each other. I've have been hinting on my blog. But I guess the hints have always been neglected and forgotten. I understand. I have been unpopular all my life. Since Primary school, I have been the kid that didn't have a friend. In secondary school, I was out casted when a new person joined my clique. Even during polytechnic, I felt the slight difference in treatment. I always felt inferior in the clique. But I don't have the courage to voice it out. I don't have the determination to prove them wrong. I'm an idiot.
I don't ask because I am afraid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of being thought of as nosey. Afraid that the person will tell me that :"I'm sorry. I can't tell you." This sentence is what starts the formation of a wall between the person and me. The start of a crack. The start of the drifting process. It makes me feel that I'm a complete outsider. If you don't want to tell me your secrets, then please don't let me know that you have one. I'd rather not know the existence of this secret than sleep a restless night. Thinking of the millions of things that could just be your little secret. Shared between the others. But not me. You leave my heart feeling unsettled. You leave me feeling curious.
These are my thoughts. I'm sorry if I offended anyone. But this is what I feel. Of course there are more insecurities. The way I look. The way people criticize the way I dress. I swallow it without uttering a single word. I smile at these comments. I have no choice. If I show a black face, people will think of me as unfriendly. As a Petty asshole that doesn't have a sense of humour. The consequences are too great for me to face. The loss of one good friend is enough to last me for the rest of my life. I'm sorry for blowing my top. I'm really sorry I destroyed the new friendship bud that was growing s strongly. I'm really very sorry. You can hate me. You may have forgiven me for my behaviour. But you will remember it for the rest of your life. I hope you won't. I want this friendship back. But I don't have the guts to say it out. I missed the chance you gave me. I will never get another chance. Serves me right.
And to another friend. I may not have expressed concern when you told me you were down. I may not have probed further when you told me to leave you alone. I respected your request. I left you alone. But what did I get in return? I became someone that 'wasn't there for you when you were down'. I was concerned no doubt. But I was brave to ask. i was afraid that I would disturb you. You said that you would be fine after a while. I took your words and believed it. I didn't dare reply your sms even though I wanted to say some words of comfort to you. I waned to call you. I was afraid you would find me a nuisance. I did not sleep properly that night. I felt a tiny pang of guilt at the pit of my stomach. Again, I wasn't brave enough to ask. Then I saw it in your blog. It was that post that made me write this post, You were brave enough to face your feelings. Now it;s my turn. This might have a negative response with my friends. But i typed it all out. Now, it's only down to whether I have the guts to post it.
I have something to say. It is dedicated for you. You may have heard it numerous times already. But I have to say it again. The first step is always the most difficult step to take. No one is going to force you. Just take your time. At your own pace. But don't ever give yourself an excuse. you have made the decision to forget about it. So you have to do it. i want to see the girl that never knew what emo was all about. I want to have your old joyful self back again. You might just take a tiny baby step. But it is still a step taken. And I believe that it will not be the only step you will take. Jia You! :D