Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Yay!! I rejected a job offer and decided to skip another meeting with Dr. Lim. My loss. I know. I felt a pang of regret and ******** after reading Mandy's sms. But it's my decision. In life, people have to make decisions. Decisions that will change their entire life. Decisions that they might regret. But whatever the consequence, I am the one who made the decision. So I have to bear the consequences that follows. Recently, I have started regretting my decision to go into a polytechnic instead of a junior college again. I'm starting to think that Junior College might have suited me better. Some people say I have a 'Junior college face'. Some people say I have a 'Business face'. But whatever face they say, nobody ever told me that I have a 'polytechnic face' nor a 'science face'. I even look weird in a lab coat. Wow. I really have no idea what I want to be in future. No goals, no nothing. What I'm doing now is taking whatever comes, one step at a time. I'm a fickle minded ass and I regret most of the decisions I've made. I wish I my mother would have decided for me instead of me deciding for myself. This way, I will not have the space for regrets.I regretted going to BNSS instead of HSC. But because of this wrong decision, I made friends that I'm confident of keeping in contact with for the entire of my life. I regretted going to a polytechnic. But, also because of this, i made friends that brought joy into my life. I got to know new people and was given the opportunity to make friends with people I knew but never spoke to before. People like Mandy, people like Chen Yuan. They were also the ones that exposed me to the outside world. Getting me my first job. All these experiences would not have been a part of my life if I chose to go to a junior college.People say that Junior colleges are extremely stressful. Because of what people said, I chose the easy route out. A polytechnic. I admit, I am a coward. But sometimes, just sometimes, I want to experience what JC life is all about. The projects they have to do, the huge amounts of assignments they have to complete, the compulsory CCA they have to participate in and the uniform they have to wear every single day. Stressful, no doubt. But it's the process that counts, right? The laughter they share, the identical problems to worry about, the frequent meetings and late night discussions online. All these things are what I chose to give up on. How I wish JC and Polytechnic are a compulsory part of our lives. Just like how Primary school and Secondary schools are. This way, we will not miss out on any fun and the different forms of learning experiences.I get stressed over the simplest things in life. Like making a decision whether or not to buy a pair of shorts. It's retarded. I know. But I don't feel a single thing during exams and tests. Maybe just a little bit. Maybe the lack of stress is what makes me who I am. A seemingly happy-go-lucky girl who seems to not give a damn about her studies. Someone to not be taken seriously for. I feel as if I'm just someone to joke around with. Fullstop. Nothing more, nothing less. The problem is, I take things seriously. It's just that I don't let it show. A simple sentence that was said casually stayed with me till today. The person, no doubt, have already forgotten it. The person might not even remember saying it. But I remembered it. I remembered the place where the person said it. I remembered the friends that were around when the person said it. I even remembered that he said it so casually, he did not even look me in the eye. That's how insignificant that sentence meant to that person. But not me. It surprised me how a simple sms made me think of all these things. But these words just poured out naturally. And I chose to share it with people. Not to make them think that I'm an emo ass that is hungry for attention, but just to share my thoughts. Just to try and lighten the load on my shoulders. Of course, there are more thing for me to say. But not everything can be expressed and typed out in words. And there's never going to be an end if I try to say every single thing. Whatever it is, I just want to say :Don't fear pressure. For pressure is what turns rough stones into diamonds. :)
12:01 PM
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