I realised something about myself. Holidays = emo time. No need any further explanation. It's for the benefit of others as well as mine. Smsing didn't feel the same. It sounded rather formal instead of close. It felt like we just knew each other instead of the usual joking around. I hope I'm just being sensitive. But this cycle always repeats itself. Again. And again. And again. Someone once told me to believe. And it's the only option I'm left with now. So I'm willing myself to believe and try my mighty best not to think about negative things. I always think that I'm used to it already. But it really isn't that way. I always feel a spark at the pit of my stomach. And I hope this spark will always stay as a spark. Because if it blooms into a raging fire, I have no idea what will happen to our relationship. But again, if the spark dies, I will know that our relationship have also ended. I have no one to blame but myself. I am too lazy. I always reject what is given to me. And I should realise that constantly pushing the invitations away will eventually cause the person to stereotype me : Felicia always says no. There's no point in calling her out since we will be able to guess her answer immediately. Oh well. I will change. I shall try to change. I might try to change. I may never change. Renovations are starting tomorrow. It sucks big time. My mum is driving me crazy. The only thing I can do is to bear with it. And hope she stops nagging. And something sick happened. My mum cut her feet. And there was alot of blood. Guess what? I almost fainted. Out of fear. My legs went soft like jelly and my vision became blurred. The feeling sucks.
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